Worship is Life part 1

I'm writing this so I can reflect back on my experience later.

      So before the retreat the JBF teachers were always asking us what we wanted to know from the retreat and to pray about it to God. The things I wanted to know were mostly my identity. But there was also this emptiness in my heart that I felt during this past year and I wanted to fill it. I kept on asking God "why don't I feel anything?" It's like I was just faking it being a christian and I was sick of that and I really wanted to know Him. I asked myself, if Jesus came tomorrow would I be going to Heaven? And deep in my heart I knew the answer and I wanted to change that. 

     I wasn't really expecting anything from the retreat I just hoped to learn a lot from it (and I did). We had a guest speaker-Pastor Jane, and I really enjoyed her messages because they were so refreshing and she explained things so well and used metaphors I understood. On Friday night I learned:

-worship isn't singing songs. "Worship is every element saying, God you are number 1." 

-We have to be very careful of not making ourselves or any other thing a god. 

-If we fear God, we have nothing else to fear. 

-When you decide that God comes above all else, salvation comes. 

    One thing that stuck inside of me is that we shouldn't treat God like a safety net, and I realized that I was using God as a safety net. I never came to Him unless I had a problem or was worried. I didn't give him the credit He so much deserved. I took the time to just worship Him and say that he was so loving. I mean, God is Love. I heard of testimonies about how God really changed people's lives but you don't appreciate it until you notice it. That night I saw the affect God had on people. My friends were crying, people were giving their hearts to God because He generously unconditionally loves. 

    Saturday morning a few things that stood out from Pastor Jane's message was:

- Even though you ask through prayer, you need to read the Bible because God answers through the Word. (I really thought about that because I kept on selfishly asking God things.)

-You can't really depend on humans. You have to depend on God because people will sin and mess up because that is our nature but God is holy and will always be there for us.

-Mary sacrificed for Jesus and poured a special perfume on his feet. She knew He would leave. 

    Towards the end of the message we started to stand up and singing and praising. Pastor Jane was saying to feel free to pray for anyone. I was really into it and as I was praising my eyes were closed. When you close your eyes It's just you and God. Where you are and the people around you kind of vanish because you want to be in that moment. I feel someone touching my shoulder and Pastor Jane was praying for me. At first I heard her speaking tongues. As soon as she touched my shoulder I felt the Holy Spirit. I just immediately start crying. As I'm standing up and crying I hear her blessing me. (She says something like) "This girl will become a beautiful women and will be a leader." In that moment I can't really explain how I felt but I just wanted more.