Behind the Scenes
After a disappointing or mediocre race, my coach reminds us "you're not going to PR every time". (Running Jargon 101, PR = Personal Record). Of course I know this, but it doesn't really make the sting hurt any less. Especially if I've put a lot of work into something only to fall short of my expectations.
All glory to God, because through these lessons He reminds me that I need Him. Not just to succeed all the time, but to develop a deep trust in our relationship. I need to know that with God all is possible and winning isn't the most important thing in the world.
Why I am writing this? I feel like it relates a lot to praise. Some sessions I feel very in-tune with the Holy Spirit, and with others getting through the songs is a struggle itself. To be honest, rolling out of bed is a whole other story. I'm not going to wake up everyday with an awesome vocal range, executing a Hillsong worship moment 24/7.
Today I was really frustrated because I left my praise binder at home, which had the songs we were going to sing. Then, I asked my sister to bring it but she couldn't find it (not her fault). So I had to practice with the pictures of the chord sheets on my phone. I can't really see the chord sheets that well because I didn't have time to grab my glasses. I went to print out the chords but there was an error in the printer and I had to go back to service since worship was starting soon. So, I had to actually use my phone during worship. During the first song, the piano's volume suddenly would burst loudly and then quiet down. The other person was singing but I could tell this threw him off which led to a very un-smooth transition. I kept having to retouch my phone screen while singing and playing the piano. And at times like this, it seems dramatic but I just don't want to do it anymore.
I'm one of two people in our praise team, and honestly it's very hard for me. Maybe it shouldn't be this hard, maybe I'm over dramatic, but it's difficult with such a small number. Coming every Saturday and Sunday morning, trying to create a different atmosphere, a worship culture. I don't feel like I'm producing much fruit. I guess it's very whiny of me to say, because worshiping God should be an automatic response but all I'm saying is that it's definitely not easy.
A lot of people tell me that they like my voice and I honestly don't see my voice as that special, but whatever people see in it I know it's only because God has given it to me. But behind the scenes of the "wow, nice voice" comes responsibility to use it for Him, to bless others, and to bless the church because I don't intend to waste it for selfish purposes. A lot of mixed emotions because I can't really explain it all but to sum it up in one phrase: it's not easy. That applies to all aspects of serving too, but this I really struggle with.
All glory to God, because through these lessons He reminds me that I need Him. Not just to succeed all the time, but to develop a deep trust in our relationship. I need to know that with God all is possible and winning isn't the most important thing in the world.
Why I am writing this? I feel like it relates a lot to praise. Some sessions I feel very in-tune with the Holy Spirit, and with others getting through the songs is a struggle itself. To be honest, rolling out of bed is a whole other story. I'm not going to wake up everyday with an awesome vocal range, executing a Hillsong worship moment 24/7.
Today I was really frustrated because I left my praise binder at home, which had the songs we were going to sing. Then, I asked my sister to bring it but she couldn't find it (not her fault). So I had to practice with the pictures of the chord sheets on my phone. I can't really see the chord sheets that well because I didn't have time to grab my glasses. I went to print out the chords but there was an error in the printer and I had to go back to service since worship was starting soon. So, I had to actually use my phone during worship. During the first song, the piano's volume suddenly would burst loudly and then quiet down. The other person was singing but I could tell this threw him off which led to a very un-smooth transition. I kept having to retouch my phone screen while singing and playing the piano. And at times like this, it seems dramatic but I just don't want to do it anymore.
I'm one of two people in our praise team, and honestly it's very hard for me. Maybe it shouldn't be this hard, maybe I'm over dramatic, but it's difficult with such a small number. Coming every Saturday and Sunday morning, trying to create a different atmosphere, a worship culture. I don't feel like I'm producing much fruit. I guess it's very whiny of me to say, because worshiping God should be an automatic response but all I'm saying is that it's definitely not easy.
A lot of people tell me that they like my voice and I honestly don't see my voice as that special, but whatever people see in it I know it's only because God has given it to me. But behind the scenes of the "wow, nice voice" comes responsibility to use it for Him, to bless others, and to bless the church because I don't intend to waste it for selfish purposes. A lot of mixed emotions because I can't really explain it all but to sum it up in one phrase: it's not easy. That applies to all aspects of serving too, but this I really struggle with.
Rebekah,
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you shared your struggles with praise team because that tells me that you're taking it seriously. First of all, you do have a great singing voice and I believe God has gifted you in worship. It's very encouraging to me that you choose to lead worship for YG despite the challenges. Leading praise is always going to be difficult, especially so at your age. You are still developing your gifts and it can be hard to be patient as you grow, but I promise you that by sticking with it now, you will see growth later. Also, the people you are leading in worship are at a stage in life where they are still discovering who God is. Worship may not be an automatic response for them yet. I can say that you have an important role in shaping their lives, whether you realize it or not. God is giving you an opportunity to be used by Him to impact the trajectory of the youth group students. With regard to having only two people in praise team, that can actually be a blessing rather than a hindrance. Having a small number can be difficult, yes, but it also allows you to focus more on your growth instead of trying to manage a large band. I know reading my comments may not help you too much with your struggles leading praise, but I hope you find some encouragement. I agree with you that praise is definitely not easy, so we need to depend on God. I know I'm not alone in saying that it's very encouraging to see you lead worship for the youth. Keep being faithful to God and the fruit will come in its time.
-Andrew